Good Things Come to Those Who Pin

Preschool Finds on Pinterest
Here are some of my favorite preschool ideas I've come across on Pinterest.

Free printable learn to glue booklet. So cool and ingenious.

Padlock Board - I think my boys would love this.

Color Coded Parking Lot - definitely perfect for my 4 year old son who loves to order and group things

A Calm Down Jar - You know those times when you just need them to calm down so you can deal with the issue?.. this is an option. Hand them the jar, have them shake it up, instruct them to sit and watch the glitter settle. Once it is all at the bottom, you can proceed.

Animal Classifying for Little Ones - Present the question ( Ex."Which animals like snow?"), then let them sort their toy animals.

Ice Cream Chore Chart - Make little daily responsibilities fun by assigning one to a scoop of ice cream. They build a tall ice cream cone as they complete their tasks. How fun is that?

Do you use Pinterest to bookmark ideas and inspirations? I seriously have no idea how I lived without it. I have always depended on the Internet to supply me with ideas. Now I have a place where I can store my ideas so I can come back to them. I no longer need to have 20 IE tabs open several days in a row, waiting for me to implement the idea. I like that. A lot.

Irritable Mom Syndrome, Pt. 2

As I mentioned in my last post, I definitely have a case of Irritable Mom Syndrome. I want to change that. I want my children to have a happy childhood, not because it was perfect, but because Mom was happy.

In order to change, though, I need to know what causes my irritableness. I cannot just wake up one day and decide I'm going to be happy. I've tried that. Wasn't so successful. I'm going to need to change my thinking in other areas first.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:2).

Below is a list of thinking processes and attitudes that I need to re-think and reprogram in my mind, in order to overcome this illness of irritableness. (Which, in reality, is sin.)

I and my plans are more important
Rash actions
Rejecting God's grace
Irrational expectations
Time vs. priority
Attitude of pride
Believing less about myself than God does
Living outside of the moment
Expecting adult behavior

I find that I have the same problem Danielle, who commented on part one, addressed. When I put my plans (housework, business work, etc.) at a higher priority than my children's hearts, I end up getting extremely annoyed at them for continually throwing wrenches into my plans. Love is not selfish. It gives freely.

When I discipline or address issues rashly, without a plan and without consistency, I only cause my children to feel like I do not care about them as much as I care about making sure their behavior is not annoying me. This makes them resistant to me, and in turn, makes me more irritable at the obvious lack of attitude change in them. Love takes the time to nuture the heart while directing the will.

God gives to me unconditional favor and love. When I reject His free gift and try to earn it, I fall flat on my face. I can never be a good enough mother to please Him with my success. I end up frustrated that I "can't do anything right". I need to snuggle up in the never failing grace of God.

The times I am most irritable are the times I look around me and see everything I should be doing right now. And I think to myself, "Why do you not accomplish more? I mean, seriously! There are moms out there with more children than you who have happy children, a spotless home, and make up on their faces. What's wrong with you??" I need to let them go. I need to just focus on the present need at the present moment. As Elizabeth Elliot said, "Just do the next thing."

Sometimes I become obsessed with the clock. "No. I cannot come build a train track with you. It's time to start school with Cherith." "No. I cannot read to you right now. It's time to make supper." Seriously, most of the time, taking a few minutes to fulfill a request would not throw off the rest of the day's schedule.

There are times when the only reason I "get after" one of my children is because they hurt my pride. I am irritated because they did something, said something, or displayed an attidue which poked me right in the pride gizzard. Of course, these moments then become moments of mommy failure, for loving discipline cannot be administered in the presence of mommy pride.

When I walk around as one big failure, I can't help but get annoyed at the ones who "cause" me to fail so often. I need to remember that I am God's creation, designed to bring Him glory. He takes great pleasure in me.

Some days, I realize I am living in a fog. I daydream the hours away, thinking about plans for the future or what I would do if all the kids were grown up, or where I would go if I could have a weekend away, or how nice the next "stage" in life will be compared to the current one. I get annoyed when a child's voice pops my paradise bubble. But while I am dreaming of "better days", I'm missing an entire day in the life of my sweet children.

Something I need to remember... They're still kids. It's often their childish behavior that gets to me. You know, stuff like squeezing acne treatment cream on the brand new carpet {it bleaches, by the way}, dumping an entire box of Cheerios down the furnace vent, throwing toys into a sink full of dirty dishes, squirting nearly 30 oz. of dish soap all over the kitchen floor. These are the things that only young children would do. I happen to have young children... NOT ADULTS. So why do I expect them to behave like adults? I just hope I can train that out of them. I'd sure hate for Ethan's wife to walk in the door from a long evening of grocery shopping and find Ethan standing in a puddle of dishsoap, guilty look on his face and bottle in his hand.


I guess, I can pretty much sum it up with:

Plan for kids. Kids happen. Every day. Every moment. Expect it and take each moment one at time.

Irritable Mom Syndrome, Pt. 1

"Mom!"

"Momeeeeeeee!"

"Hey, Mom?"

That's it! I'm changing my name to Bob. If my name were Bob, and not Mom, then I could ignore every demand addressed to Mom, right?

I have a headache and a sore throat. It seems all I've heard all day is whining and fighting. If we had a dog, I'd literally kick him out the door. {It's probably a good thing we don't.}

The school day is only half successful. I do my best to teach Cherith while Ethan complains and whines because I won't give him a third glass of chocolate milk, let him carry around the entire, just opened box of cereal, draw on the table with a marker, drag more toys out of the closet to add to his already huge mess, or watch a "Mommy/Daddy movie".

I do my best to teach Cherith and deal with Ethan while Faith was climbing all over me and all over the table, pushing everything off the table, and closing Cherith's books while she's using them.

When Daryn comes over to tell me all about the new contraption he just made, I loose my patience and tell him he'll have to wait. The poor kid is visibly crushed as I suck all excitement out of him.

And that's when the guilt comes in. I give him a hug, tell him I am sorry for snapping at him, and ask him to tell me about his contraption. He says he forgot what he was going to say. I kiss him and say I am sorry.

I pull Faith off the table for the hundredth time and tell Ethan to turn off his whiner siren or he'll end up in his room by himself.

I turn to Cherith and tell her to read the words in her book. At this point, she is just as frustrated as I am and cannot even think straight enough to remember how to read.

I sigh and tell her it's recess time. We only accomplished five minutes of schoolwork in the past 45 minutes.

As she runs off to the living room and her siblings follow her, a heavy weight settles upon me. I am the most important person in their little lives right now. More than anyone else in the world right now, they need to know in their deepest of deepest that their mother loves them more immensely. I'm pretty sure I certainly did not demonstrate love to them in the last 45 minutes.

The thing is... this wasn't just a rare bad day. Days like these happen more frequently than I'd like. There's always something that makes me feel irritable with the very people I live for. I guess I have a case of Irritable Mom Syndrome.

In an effort to address this issue, I have to figure out the cause of irritability and acknowledge it for what it is. You can't solve a problem if you don't know what the problem is. {I was never good at the "x+y-z=15... Find y" stuff.}

But, we'll put that off for next time. :)

Parenting - Past and Present, Part 2

Parenting - The Past
(Specifically Speaking)

I want to preface this installment with the hard dry facts of my reasons for writing all this.

First, a list of the reasons that are not mine...

1) I am not attacking my parents. I love them. The past is forgiven. We're on good terms.

2) I am not whining "poor me".  I realize there are children out there who are seriously physically abused everyday. Their parents are druggies, drinkers, and hard core angry at the whole world. I realize that I am very fortunate to have parents that love me.

3) I am not trying to add my name to some sort of virtual list of "survivors". We all have issues from our past. We're all survivors of childhood.

4) I am not claiming to have all the answers. I am not claiming to be a perfect parent.

Here's why I am writing this...

1) I've realized for a couple years now that something's not quite right with my parenting methods. I'm not confident at all. I second guess everything I do, and spend nearly every night feeling guilty for not being consistant or for losing my patience or for not sticking to my guns.

2) I've tried many different things to try to fix this. One of them was desperately trying to get organized. Total flop. Everything I've tried comes falling to the ground in a heap of mess.

3) I've been praying about this for a couple months, desperate to know how to be a confident and happy mom with children who are confident in my love for them and, more importantly, God's love for them. I've realized I can't do this. I've tried to reach this lofty goal. Doesn't work. I need God to show me the answers.

4) In my recent searching for answers, God has brought a lot of memories to my mind. I'm realizing that I need to figure out what I think at the core and why and how this affects my parenting. I think my childhood (teen years and early adulthood, especially) hold the key to the base of this semi-unconscious belief system.

5) I believe in an absolutely sovereign God. My childhood and early adult years were what they were because God orchastrated them... the good, the bad, and the ugly. He used every minute of those years to shape me and mold me. But I am not a finished work, and I need Him to sand down the rough edges left from those years.

6) I am documenting my journey because I know a lot of friends who have similiar backgrounds and are on the same quest. If any of this helps even one of them, than it was worth writing.

7) The words of Sanctus Real's "The Redeemer" says it well:

 Sometimes I just want to start over, 'cause everything looks like a wreck
 And I need the courage to carry on, 'cause I can't see what's ahead
 And there are places I've wished I could be, battles I've wanted to win
 Dreams that have slipped through my hands
 I may never get back again

But I'm still a dreamer, a believer
 Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
 'Cause You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say all the things that are easy to hear
 Ignore the injustice we see and explain every unanswered prayer
 But I'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve
 'Cause in the middle of my broken dreams, redemption is here

And I'm still a dreamer, a believer
 Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
 'Cause You are the answer, the redeemer
 Oh, I've given up on too many things, but I'm not giving up on You
 'Cause You can make anything new

I don't have every answer in life
 But I'm trusting You one day at a time
 'Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive forever
 this is where Heaven and Earth collide
 I lift my hands and give my life
 This is how my weary heart stays alive
And I'm still a dreamer, a believer
 Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
 'Cause You are the answer, the redeemer
 Oh, I've given up on too many things, but I'm not giving up on You
 'Cause You can make anything new

__________________________________

I'm not really sure how to describe my family, during my "at home with the parents" time. It's kinda a weird mix of things. I remember well when my parents were not Christians, when they were divorced, and when it was just my older brother and I. I also experienced a time when they were Christians, and we lived a very normal Christian family life (complete with hidden family drama). My four younger siblings, on the other hand, probably remember nothing but the last stage, the IBLP days. (Well, last stage for me anyway. After I was married, they went through my parents' second divorce.) 

My dad rolled around on the floor with us, teased us, hugged us from time to time, laughed with us, and ripromanded us when he finally had enough of our nonsense. There are very few times that I remember my dad seriously disciplining me or any of the other kids. The times that I do remember, I knew it was because Mom asked him to.

Based on the stories he's told of his childhood, I think he and his siblings pretty much were allowed to run free and wild, with minimal parental direction. They had chores, rules, etc. but their free time was their own to use however they pleased. Perhaps this was why he was there for us to talk to, play with, and work with, but gave little direction as far as rules and discipline.

My mom was pretty much opposite. So long as I did not make her mad, I knew we were friends and I was confident in her love. But I lived in constant fear of her anger and felt the weight of the shackles of her constant control. I don't remember very many times when she disciplined calmly. From a very, very tiny age, I saw it as my job to make sure she did not get mad. If that meant I lied and took my brother's punishment, I did. If that meant I never "tattled" on my younger siblings when I babysat them, I didn't. If that meant I pretended to believe in conservative standards, I did. I also saw it as my job to protect my younger siblings from her anger. I always felt sick to my stomach and guilty when one of my siblings were "in trouble".

Just like my dad, her way of parenting reflected the way her father dealt with her. Anger was discipline, and until just recently, she thought this was the loving way to parent... to have an iron fist... to strive to be in control of the will of the child. She has realized the error in this thinking and has asked forgiveness.

My mom, I believe, had the very best intentions of raising us the very best that she could. In the last half of my years at home, she had great dreams for us to be godly pure leaders of America (or we girls be the mothers of future leaders). It's what she wanted because she thought that's what God wanted. And she tried her best to accomplish those goals in us by strict standards, high expectations, and constant survailence.

That established, the journey of the family into the center of the conservative earth began when Mom decided she wanted to homeschool. I guess my brother had a bad 5th grade teacher. She did not want to repeat the same thing over again with me going into 5th grade the next year. She had heard of homeschooling and decided she'd like to give it a swing with my older brother (entering 6th), me (entering 5th), and my younger brother(entering kdg). She did a tremendous job of it that year too - which I consider simply amazing considering she gave birth to her sixth child that September.

It was not the act of homeschooling that took us into the conservative group. It was who we met in the homeschool group...... (to be continued)

Conclusions:

1) Just as is the case with everything else in life, balance is key.
  a) I cannot be just fun friends with my children. They also need to see me as the authority God ordained me to be in their young years.

 b) A parenting method of controlling behavior given to bouts of anger is not a method of the love God has called me to.

2) I love my memories of the first year my mom homeschooled us. She knew it was what she wanted, so she did it good. She did not pull out any stops. She sacrificed her time, her energy, her sleep, and I'm sure a good bit of money to give us a good education. I've thought about this a lot this summer. I need to stop thinking I'm doing this homeschooling thing as a half hearted experiment. If it's what I want to do, than I need to do it and give it all I got. Then, if it does flop, at least I know I gave it my best shot.

(And in case you're wondering... that's pretty much the main reason I am homeschooling... because I want to. I enjoyed being homeschooled, enjoyed teaching my younger siblings, love  teaching children, and adore coming up with fun ways to learn.)

Parenting - Past and Present, Part 1

Parenting - The Past
(Generally Speaking)

I'm pretty sure that most of us can look back on our childhood and our parents' involvement in our lives and find things that were not perfect. Parents are fallible human beings. We sin. They sinned. Parents fail. Parents make choices that children sometimes do not like. It's inevitable. I get that. I understand that. However, I'm blogging today about parents who believe(d) that they are(were) the absolute authority in their childrens' lives and never felt it necessary to own up to sin or to try to heal wounds they caused in their children. Perhaps they do not(did not) realize how much of their child's soul they were killing.

There are certain groups of Christian families that were/are under the influence of ministries such as, IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles), ATI (Advanced Training Institute), Vision Forum, the Pearls, the Ezzos, and other "conservative" ministries. The main tie in all the teachings of these ministries being that the parents (fathers, especially) are authority supreme to their children. They are the go-between, between the child and God. Children, even unmarried adult children, were expected to have their parents make their decisions for them.

Mr. Gothard (IBLP/ATI) taught that parents were God's messengers. Unquestioned obedience was mandated, regardless of age. In his Advanced Seminar, he gave the example of a couple who wanted to marry. One set of parents did not think it was a good match. Therefore, if the couple did marry, they were disobeying. This would place them out from under the "umbrella of protection" and satan would rain "fiery darts" upon their lives. More than likely, their marriage would end in divorce, and the parents would say, "I told you so." He insisted that God speaks to parents, and adult children should listen and obey or a life of failure would certainly ensue.

(Now, I certainly think it's smart to consult wise parents in major decisions. Adult children then take what their parents think and weigh it with their own thinking skills and go from there.)

These ministries also teach that girls have pretty much no other use than to produce babies, cook, sew, and homeschool their own children. Their was no reason for college for either genders. "Good character" was enough to gain success in the world.

Several of these ministries also encourage strict disciplinary measures. Parents are to conquer the will of their child and keep it conquered forever. Many, many parents take this to the extreme... to the point of child abuse.

Parents enforce a strict code of "standards" (outward evidences of supposed spiritual maturity) on their children, and teach them that this is the Biblical standard - the way to please God and do His will. For many children, questioning the "code of conduct" was a way of getting yelled at, slapped, "spanked", sent off to Mr. G's training centers to have their "mind renewed", or even excommunicated from the family.

My family (the one I grew up in) fell in here somewhere. And while I am NOT on a hate fest for conservative ministries... I will say that the "parental interaction" I received during this stage of my "childhood" (13-26 yrs.) has had some long reaching effects on my thinking, leaving me extremely confused on my responsibilities as a parent. This series is my effort to part through the jungle with the machete of thinking out loud.