Breastfeeding Woes, Part 2: Dairy Issues {Guest Post}

Let me start off by saying I am by no means an expert.  Everything concerning dairy has been a trial and error process that we still struggle with. We are however learning and at this point that’s about all we can do.

It all started shortly after my daughter turned one month old.  She had recently been diagnosed with thrush. We were squirting the thrush medicine into her cheeks and mouth as directed. (If you are ever faced with the thrush problem, I HIGHLY recommend swabbing the thrush spots vs. squirting the medicine inside the cheeks .)

She had been on the medicine for about a week when all of a sudden every evening she would scream in pain for hours. There was nothing we could do to consol her except attempt to walk around with her. We gave her gas medicine which helped to some extent but she was still in obvious pain. Not only was she in pain but she was spitting up a TON.  We were almost certain she was having a reaction to the medicine. Which yes, I still believe she was but I also believe now, from what we’ve learned, that she was also having a reaction to diary.

At this point I wasn’t sure if she wasn’t tolerating my milk anymore or what was going on. All I knew is that my baby was BEYOND cranky - very out of the norm - and was spitting up a ton. Seriously, I went to the store the next day and bought some formula. The price almost made me cry. Ha! I ended up discussing the problem with my sister in law who suggested maybe it was dairy.

So at her suggestion, I stopped eating all dairy. It just so happens that the week this all started my husband and I enjoyed an entire block of cheddar cheese in about two days. We also had made dip using sour cream.

 So no dairy for an entire week. No cheese… milk… ANYTHING! The hardest was the milk. I’m a cereal everyday for breakfast type of girl and to all of a sudden have to change? That was hard.

I kept thinking to myself, “If this proves to be the problem, I’ll just give up breastfeeding because I HAVE to have my milk.” So selfish!  We only had to go a couple of days to realize that indeed dairy was causing the problems. About two days into no dairy our baby girl was back to herself. Not spitting up near as much and was so much calmer at night. 

Since going without dairy I have been able to drink milk again. It doesn’t seem to affect her. Yogurt is out for sure. We ended up accidently having frozen yogurt without processing in our heads that it was dairy and sure enough that night she was cranky and spitting up.  Not having cheese hasn’t been extremely difficult unless we end up going out to eat.

But like I mentioned, we continue to learn things. Specifically, most recently we learned that she doesn’t tolerate cream of (insert food here) soups. We’ve had cream of chicken and mushroom in a couple of different recipes. That night she has gas and tummy pains.  Finding recipes without the soups in them has been the most difficult thing.  Milk still doesn’t affect her and we are slowly being able to eat cheese again in small amounts.

So 6 weeks into not having dairy and we’ve cut back on the amount of gas medicine to MAYBE once a week but even then that’s rare. And thankfully our girl is back to her happy self. 


-Bridgette

Breastfeeding Woes, Part 1: Too Much Milk {Guest Post}

When I found out I was pregnant there were a few things I just knew I would do. Breastfeeding was one of them. I had taken a child development class in High School and knew breastfeeding was the better option. Of course the other reason I choose to breastfeed was because it’s free, and I didn’t want to pay money for formula if my body makes everything my baby needs.

My husband and I signed up for birth classes, but I opted out of breastfeeding classes. My thought, “How hard can it be?” Breastfeeding for me has not been particularly difficult, but I have had a couple of ups and downs.

The first difficulty I faced happened about two weeks into breastfeeding. At the time, I had no idea what was wrong.  I had no idea why, every time I fed my baby, I covered both of us in milk. I was constantly soaking our clothes and squirting my daughter. Now I know I was faced with oversupply and fast let down.

Since I had no experience breastfeeding, I was switching sides at each feeding. After some research and realizing the oversupply issue, I learned switching was not the best idea when an over production problem. I was producing a lot of foremilk so my baby was only receiving the foremilk and no hind milk.  This was the cause of my daughter’s green, loose stools, fussiness, gagging, gassiness and spitting up.

When my daughter was 3 weeks old, I decided to try a different nursing position. I started sitting having her straddle my leg facing me, this was much more upright. I also stopped switching sides and only nursed one breast per feeding.  By the end of the week, my daughter was having normal poop again, her gassiness was better, and she wasn’t gagging nearly as much during the feeding. 
The best news of all was I no longer gave my baby a breast milk bath, and I wasn’t changing shirts after every feeding. I had finally reached a point where I wouldn’t have been terrified to nurse in public – for fear of making a big mess. 

Until next time, when we discuss the latest Breast Milk Woe: Dairy problems…

Bridgette

Irritable Mom Syndrome, Pt. 2

As I mentioned in my last post, I definitely have a case of Irritable Mom Syndrome. I want to change that. I want my children to have a happy childhood, not because it was perfect, but because Mom was happy.

In order to change, though, I need to know what causes my irritableness. I cannot just wake up one day and decide I'm going to be happy. I've tried that. Wasn't so successful. I'm going to need to change my thinking in other areas first.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:2).

Below is a list of thinking processes and attitudes that I need to re-think and reprogram in my mind, in order to overcome this illness of irritableness. (Which, in reality, is sin.)

I and my plans are more important
Rash actions
Rejecting God's grace
Irrational expectations
Time vs. priority
Attitude of pride
Believing less about myself than God does
Living outside of the moment
Expecting adult behavior

I find that I have the same problem Danielle, who commented on part one, addressed. When I put my plans (housework, business work, etc.) at a higher priority than my children's hearts, I end up getting extremely annoyed at them for continually throwing wrenches into my plans. Love is not selfish. It gives freely.

When I discipline or address issues rashly, without a plan and without consistency, I only cause my children to feel like I do not care about them as much as I care about making sure their behavior is not annoying me. This makes them resistant to me, and in turn, makes me more irritable at the obvious lack of attitude change in them. Love takes the time to nuture the heart while directing the will.

God gives to me unconditional favor and love. When I reject His free gift and try to earn it, I fall flat on my face. I can never be a good enough mother to please Him with my success. I end up frustrated that I "can't do anything right". I need to snuggle up in the never failing grace of God.

The times I am most irritable are the times I look around me and see everything I should be doing right now. And I think to myself, "Why do you not accomplish more? I mean, seriously! There are moms out there with more children than you who have happy children, a spotless home, and make up on their faces. What's wrong with you??" I need to let them go. I need to just focus on the present need at the present moment. As Elizabeth Elliot said, "Just do the next thing."

Sometimes I become obsessed with the clock. "No. I cannot come build a train track with you. It's time to start school with Cherith." "No. I cannot read to you right now. It's time to make supper." Seriously, most of the time, taking a few minutes to fulfill a request would not throw off the rest of the day's schedule.

There are times when the only reason I "get after" one of my children is because they hurt my pride. I am irritated because they did something, said something, or displayed an attidue which poked me right in the pride gizzard. Of course, these moments then become moments of mommy failure, for loving discipline cannot be administered in the presence of mommy pride.

When I walk around as one big failure, I can't help but get annoyed at the ones who "cause" me to fail so often. I need to remember that I am God's creation, designed to bring Him glory. He takes great pleasure in me.

Some days, I realize I am living in a fog. I daydream the hours away, thinking about plans for the future or what I would do if all the kids were grown up, or where I would go if I could have a weekend away, or how nice the next "stage" in life will be compared to the current one. I get annoyed when a child's voice pops my paradise bubble. But while I am dreaming of "better days", I'm missing an entire day in the life of my sweet children.

Something I need to remember... They're still kids. It's often their childish behavior that gets to me. You know, stuff like squeezing acne treatment cream on the brand new carpet {it bleaches, by the way}, dumping an entire box of Cheerios down the furnace vent, throwing toys into a sink full of dirty dishes, squirting nearly 30 oz. of dish soap all over the kitchen floor. These are the things that only young children would do. I happen to have young children... NOT ADULTS. So why do I expect them to behave like adults? I just hope I can train that out of them. I'd sure hate for Ethan's wife to walk in the door from a long evening of grocery shopping and find Ethan standing in a puddle of dishsoap, guilty look on his face and bottle in his hand.


I guess, I can pretty much sum it up with:

Plan for kids. Kids happen. Every day. Every moment. Expect it and take each moment one at time.

Irritable Mom Syndrome, Pt. 1

"Mom!"

"Momeeeeeeee!"

"Hey, Mom?"

That's it! I'm changing my name to Bob. If my name were Bob, and not Mom, then I could ignore every demand addressed to Mom, right?

I have a headache and a sore throat. It seems all I've heard all day is whining and fighting. If we had a dog, I'd literally kick him out the door. {It's probably a good thing we don't.}

The school day is only half successful. I do my best to teach Cherith while Ethan complains and whines because I won't give him a third glass of chocolate milk, let him carry around the entire, just opened box of cereal, draw on the table with a marker, drag more toys out of the closet to add to his already huge mess, or watch a "Mommy/Daddy movie".

I do my best to teach Cherith and deal with Ethan while Faith was climbing all over me and all over the table, pushing everything off the table, and closing Cherith's books while she's using them.

When Daryn comes over to tell me all about the new contraption he just made, I loose my patience and tell him he'll have to wait. The poor kid is visibly crushed as I suck all excitement out of him.

And that's when the guilt comes in. I give him a hug, tell him I am sorry for snapping at him, and ask him to tell me about his contraption. He says he forgot what he was going to say. I kiss him and say I am sorry.

I pull Faith off the table for the hundredth time and tell Ethan to turn off his whiner siren or he'll end up in his room by himself.

I turn to Cherith and tell her to read the words in her book. At this point, she is just as frustrated as I am and cannot even think straight enough to remember how to read.

I sigh and tell her it's recess time. We only accomplished five minutes of schoolwork in the past 45 minutes.

As she runs off to the living room and her siblings follow her, a heavy weight settles upon me. I am the most important person in their little lives right now. More than anyone else in the world right now, they need to know in their deepest of deepest that their mother loves them more immensely. I'm pretty sure I certainly did not demonstrate love to them in the last 45 minutes.

The thing is... this wasn't just a rare bad day. Days like these happen more frequently than I'd like. There's always something that makes me feel irritable with the very people I live for. I guess I have a case of Irritable Mom Syndrome.

In an effort to address this issue, I have to figure out the cause of irritability and acknowledge it for what it is. You can't solve a problem if you don't know what the problem is. {I was never good at the "x+y-z=15... Find y" stuff.}

But, we'll put that off for next time. :)

My Obsession With Motherhood Perfection

It's 11:00 p.m. and once again, I'm lying in bed reviewing the day and just my life in general. Like a heavy weight on my chest, confusion, frustration, guilt, and hopelessness settles in. I know I am not the perfect mother, and that bothers me. I want to be perfect. I just do. I know it sounds conceited, perhaps even stupid, but I really, really want to be perfect at this whole motherhood thing.

Let me just paint a picture for you of what I perceive to be the perfect mother.

The alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m., and rather than roll over and go back to sleep as Aaron gets up, I smile at him and get out of bed with him. I spend the next half hour cheerfully helping him get ready for work... fixing his lunch, getting him breakfast, etc. I kiss him good-bye at the door, then sit down with a glass of tea and my Bible for at least 15 minutes before I jump into the shower. I take the time to dress nicely, do my hair, and put on make-up.

As my children wake up, I cheerfully greet them, tell them how wonderful they are, and feed them breakfast. After they've all eaten, I cheerfully and patiently walk them through their morning routine charts, helping them get dressed, brush their teeth, and do the girlies' hair in some cute way. I make sure each of them do a small morning chore to teach them the importance of sharing the work load as a family.

During all this time, I take time to praise them and tell them just how much I love them. I do not get frustrated or irritated when the milk is spilled three times, or when they forget why they're in the bathroom, or when they mess in their diaper right after I change it. I never lose my smile when they protest to the morning routine. Every wrench thrown into the gears of the morning are viewed as opportunities to bless my children.

All the kids and I spend some fun time learning about God together every morning. These Bible lessons are complete with activities, games, and hands on projects. I would then put Faith down for her nap, and get the boys started on fun activities. The rest of the morning, Cherith and I just have fun "doing school". It would be fun, because I took the time to plan well. I've spent hours on the computer, putting together fun and educational cirriculums that are sure to teach and satisfy the curious minds of my children. I would spend special time with Daryn in the afternoon, nurturing his curiosity in reading. I would, at some point in the day, spend one on one time with Ethan, doing whatever his little 2 year person desires at the time.

I would prepare healthful and delicious meals for my family. My children would happily eat every last bite, and I would rest assured that all their nutrient needs are being met.

I would keep my home neat and tidy at all times to fuel their creativity and reinforce good organizational skills.

I would always be happy and full of joy that bubbles into lots of laughter.

I would never yell. Never harshly reprimand. Never ignore their ceaseless chatter. I would always shine love on them at all times. I would always train them and correct them with a kind and gentle spirit. I would always set aside what I am doing and listen to them with my undivided attention.

When they say, "You're the best mom ever!", I could smile and know that they were absolutely right.

Friends, this is what I want... really, really want. But why? Why would I want such perfection? I don't really know. Perhaps part of it is a built in "judgement system".

As a kid, teen, and young adult, I remember critiquing the mothering style of every mother I'd meet. What did they do right? What did they do wrong? As a pregnant woman and then as a mother to my first baby, I had parenting all figured out. I know just what I would do and what I wouldn't, because I knew how to be the perfect mother. Other moms who did not live up to my set of perfect standards lacked mothering skills and had things to learn. The mother at the grocery store with the screaming toddler needed to reevaluate her discipline methods.

With all this judging and critical critiquing, I've found that even I cannot live up to my own standards of what makes a great mom. I judge myself. Tell myself what I need to change, and then expect myself to change those things over night and to get it right from that day forward.

I've completely changed my attitude toward other mothers. Now that I've had four children, I know that it doesn't matter how "perfect" you are, there are just bad days. Kids get tired, grumpy, disobedient, and just plain unpleasant. Diapers explode, laundry gets forgotten, cheerios fly across the entire house miraculously, the bathroom floor gets peed and pooped on. Babies get snotty noses and fuzz on their necks. Moms can seriously get overloaded, tired, worn out, frustrated, and just plain "done with the mommy thing". It happens. It's life, and in this life there will be trial and tribulations.

But when it comes to me, I have a hard time being ok with not being perfect. And I'm not sure how to undo that thinking.

The Little Faries and I

One rainy spring day

Toward the end of May,

The little faries and I

Hung up the leaves to dry.

We hung them up one by one

And thought it was a world of fun.

But as we hung them, we found

The longer they hung there off the ground,

Dry they did not.

But the wetter they got.

Of Toys, Workboxes, and Directed Play

"We have a one toy set at a time rule. One set has to be put away before another comes out."

"We have toy clean up three times a day. They don't eat unless they pick up."

"We keep all our toys in a separate play room, sectioned out like a preschool classroom."

I've heard these types of comments numerous times, and each time, the rebel mom in me cringes.

Where's the creativity in one toy a time? I remember building huge towns out of blocks, legos, and lincoln logs. Then using cars and little people to play in the town.

And toy pick up three times a day? What if the kids are still playing? Why should I make them destroy their imaginative creations or put away their stuffed zoo when they may want to come back to them? And seriously, I don't have the time or want to to get down on their level and "enforce" pick up time three times a day.

A large playroom with separate play areas? I'd love that, trust me I would. In fact, I spend more time dreaming up awesome playrooms than I do dreaming up the perfect kitchen or bedroom. But let's face it, we have four kids in one bedroom (or will in a couple days), with no extra rooms to spare. I'm just glad we have a large living room.



January's Toy Sort
(Yes, that black bag is full of trash
that was mixed in with all the toys)

 But here's the thing, more often than not, the living room floor is covered in mixed up toys. Once it gets to that point (easily happens in one or two days), the kids are unable to pick up. It's too overwhelming. They don't know where to start or where to put things, even though each has a particular home. I don't blame them at all. I'm the same way... just ready to scoop it up and throw it in the dumpster. About every 2-3 months, I have to drag out every box or container that is supposed to contain the toys and sort through the entire toys stash.

When the floor is cluttered, the kids are bored and can't find anything to play with. When Cherith and Daryn get bored, they spend a lot of time watching TV or pestering their siblings or fighting about something. When Ethan is bored, he goes from one thing to another, just making messes and getting into things... like throwing dry oatmeal into the air, climbing on the kitchen counter and swallowing half a package of gum, running into the bathroom and stuffing toilet paper down the sink drain... all of this in a 15 minute span.

For the past couple years, I've known that I need to figure something out. It's just not working. Thing is, on Aaron's school nights, I'm just too tired to do kid pick up time, so more often than not, we skip it those nights, then before I know it, it's a total wreck, too cluttered for me or the kids to handle in a quick pick up, and then we just live with it for days.

So, anyway... I've been throwing around an idea that I think I'm going to try. But I'd love feedback on it.

Truth: The kids are more creative, more happy, more kind, more pleasant to be around, when their play area is cleared and organized.

Truth: My stress level is incredibly lower when the living room is clutter free and the kids are pleasant.

Truth: Ethan seems to thrive on some sort of loose structure. His attention span is short, but if it is not directed, it gets him into trouble as he "mess hops".

So, what if...

1) I put away all the toys in our universal/toy closet. There would be no toys out in the living room except kid books.

2) At night, after the kids are in bed, I would choose two sets of toys for the next day and put them out on the shelves in the living room.

3) I would also assemble 2-3 workboxes (educational activities in a box) for Daryn and Ethan to do while I help Cherith with her school in the mornings. I would be available to help them a little with their workboxes, but the activities would be simple enough, yet intriguing enough, to not require my 100% attention.

4) During the morning, we would have school/workbox time, then the rest of the day, they can play with the two sets I previously chose or...
     play outside,
     play computer games (limited)
     read
     draw, color, crafts
     playdough
     imaginative role play

5) At the end of the day, those two sets would be put away in the closet. After the kids go to bed, I would then restock the workboxes and the two sets of toys.


That's the reasons and the idea. Here are the "buts"


But....

I'm pretty lazy. What if I don't stick to the rules? What if one night, the two sets don't get picked up?

Is it too much structure? Am I turning my kids' day into a daycare type day?

What if the kids complain all the time?

How on earth do I think of things for the boys to do in their workboxes?


I guess it's kinda like: I'd love to give it a try, but I'm afraid of failure. And afraid that maybe it's the wrong solution.

Thoughts? Cause I'd love to hear 'em.

Cock-a-Doodle-Doo!

Big Stretch.

Yawn.

"I'm awake. I'm awake."

Blog hibernation is an interesting phenomenon. The break is refreshing. One less thing on the plate. But it causes such a huge dam of pent up thoughts longing to be written. There is no way under the sun that I can go back and write all that I've wanted to over the past month. I just can't... well, unless I were a stay-at-home-not-mom and had nothing to do but clean the house and blog... cause you know the house would stay clean for the most part in such a situation.

I'm sad that I cannot go back and write the thoughts that have passed.

I love to write.

It helps me process my thoughts. It helps me find my flaws when I lay it all out. I can scan the words and pin point the problem.

Writing forces me to see the blessings in my life when all I want to do is yell, "I hate my life right now!"

When I'm bubbling over with joy, writing gathers up the dancing, glimmering sparkles of happiness, inflates them, and sends my soul floating up to cloud nine.

But in the last month, I've had more time to play with my kids and try my darnedest to get a handle on this messy thing we call home... which brings me to another subject.......

Do you ever feel like it's just useless and hopeless? Do you ever feel like it just doesn't matter how hard you work at it, nothing ever changes? No matter how much time you invest in cleaning up the house, it still maintains the same continuous messy state. No matter how hard you try to be more patient and less stressed, your shoulders get tighter and your hair thinner?

Will life ever be carefree and happy, as a general rule? I'm not talking about the opposite of depression. I'm talking about the absence of the continual stress of dishes, laundry, whining, crying, diapers, toys everywhere, cloudy days, lost shoes, moldy milk cups under the bed, babies crying in the night.... you get the idea.

It's not that I want no kids or no dirty laundry. I just want laundry that's all washed and put away. Dishes that are in the cupboards where they belong. Floors that are vacuumed and clear of toys. So that I can gather up my sweet kidlets and dance in the sunshine all day.

I want a picnic full of little laughter, not whining about whose sandwich is bigger or wanting juice instead of water. I want to see sparkles in my children's eyes. I want to see the sun streaming through their hair as they chase each other in a grassy field. I want to kiss their cheek and hug them tight when they offer me their prized dandelions.

I know I can set aside the house chores for this. I know I can snatch the kidlets, lock the mess in the house, and have a fun day together. And I have and do. But I just want it all.... fun with the kids and a clean house.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just severely sick with spring fever.

Busy, Busy, Busy... and Totally Random

Life is running. Time is flying. It seems the days are in a race to see if they can end sooner than the one before... yet, winter is still here. SIGH.

We have started a bedroom remodel in our room... carpet, paint, new bed, perhaps nightstands (instead of cardboard boxes). We will also replace the carpet in the kids' room and get a bunk bed for the older two. Yup. They all sleep in the same room. It's what we got. So, yeah... fun stuff, but makes for craziness... oh and sleeping on the couch.


It seems like I am almost always worried about at least a handful of things about the kids... diaper rashes, teeth, attitudes, moods, discipline issues, ways I've hurt them. Will it always be this way? Will there always be that constant state of concern?

And will there always be that thought in the back of my head that I am some way going to ruin their lives? I was such a perfect mom, before I had kids. But you know what? My kids have a sinner for a mother. And I don't like that. I'd rather they have a 100% perfect, always loving mother.


It's Mommy date month again. Last week was Daryn's turn. Today was Cherith's. I love Mommy dates. I just like focusing on one kid at a time. As I watched Cherith giggling over her chicken nuggets and happy meal toy today, I had to smile. She's is really growing up into such a lovely, beautiful girl. And I wondered how could such perfection, such joy, such delightfulness come from me? Man, I love my kidlets. My husband and I make some pretty good ones, if I do say so myself.


P.S. Have you heard Francesca Battistelli's song, This is the Stuff? I love it, not because it's the greatest sounding song out there, but because it stikes a chord with me. It's not the key loosing or the speeding, but the tiny little daily things... spilled juice, Desitin on the couch, buckets of toilet water dumped on the floor, hearing "mom" a thousand times in a 15 minutes period, whining, kids bickering, crumbs under the table, newly folded laundry dumped, dirty dishes, toys everywhere... yeah, this is the stuf He uses in my life.

Great Stuff for Moms from Other Readers and Around Bloggyland

First, from Jamie, author of this marvelous food blog, Delicious & Nutritious, a chart of developmental benchmarks for children ages 2-5. If you're wondering what skills to encourage in your toddler or preschooler, you will find this chart helpful. Thanks, Jamie, for sharing it with us.

Another reader, Jessica from This Too! Projects, shares this vital post about children and their need for routine. It focuses especially on those children who seem to have a very hard time "focusing on their job", as we call it around our house. If you have a child that just seems to take forever at any given task and has a hard time focusing, you will find this post a must read. Jessica also offers free routine cards you can print and instructions for setting up a system to use them. This fits very well in OYOL's last two challenges.

And this post... Wow. Tell me the title does not grab you right from the beginning! How To Be a More Patient Mom in 24 Hours. Kat gives 5 practical steps to, well... be more patient. I must say they all make sense, and I KNOW they would all help. But, hmmmmm... the first one. That's a challenge. Unless I go to bed at 8, with the kids... I don't think I can really get the full consecutive 7-8 hours of sleep. I'd love to, though.... soon. Oh so very soon. Look out, Faithy Girl.

I totally, completely, 100% relate to this post from I Can Teach My Child, discussing winter time blues and mentally and emotionally turning mild inconviences into major tribulations.

Salvation at an Early Age?

I have been wanting to blog on the topic of childhood salvation for many, many months. After reading this post from Amanda, author of Impress Your Kids blog, the other day, I've been mulling it over once again.

I accepted Jesus as my savior when I was four years old. My mom had recently become a Christian and one night, as she was tucking in my older brother in the top bunk (I was on the bottom), she told him how everyone does bad things (we are all sinners) and that the punishment for doing bad things is death and going to hell. But that Jesus died for us, so we would not have to go to hell. Instead, we could live with God in heaven. All we had to do was pray and tell God that we believe Jesus died for our sins. I don't remember what my brother's response was, but right then and there I prayed in my little heart and truly 100% believed that Jesus died for me and that one day I would live in heaven with Him.

I'm pretty sure that I did not at all understand everything about salvation. In fact, my mother tells me that many times as a child I would come to her and excitedly exclaim that I had just asked Jesus into my heart. The thing is, I don't remember any of those times. I only remember that fall night when I was 4 years old. I believe with every ounce in my body and soul that that was the night I truly became a child of God. That was the night I was saved from my sin and from the punishment of hell. That was the night I was justified and the night God began my sanctification (if you like big theological words).

Fast forward to last year when my then 4 year old daughter began to ask lots of questions about Jesus, his death on the cross, and his resurrection. I was excited to see her desire to know and understand God's great plan of salvation. But when the day came that she actually said she wanted to pray and tell God that she believed Jesus died in her place, I doubted.

"Surely, a child this young cannot know what they are really praying. I mean really... they cannot understand all the aspects of salvation." Thoughts like this were running wildly through my head as I heard her little voice plainly and simply admit her sin and declare her belief. And the thing that kept tripping me up was thinking that the only reason she is praying is because she doesn't want to go to hell when she dies. There's so much more to salvation than that.

But is there really? I mean the simple, boiled down truth is.... We all sin. Sin = death/hell. Jesus = life/heaven.

Jesus said (Mark 10:15),

Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

A child does not over complicate things. They see the boiled down truth and accept it with all their hearts. It is at that point that their love and understanding begin to grow, but it is their initial, simple faith that brings them to salvation.

We are justified through faith (Eph. 2:8). The sanctification process of growth and deeper understanding and transformation comes only after we embrace the boiled down truth of the Gospel with childlike faith.*

How could I have ever doubted her? I am ashamed that I proudly thought little of the very thing Jesus proclaimed was the "greatest in the kingdom of God" (Mat. 18:4).

I should have known. After all, it was with the same childlike faith that I came to my precious Savior.


*For more information on the difference between justification and sanctification, you may find this article helpful.

What Was He Thinkin?

Stress level: HIGH! very high

Confidence level: LOW! very low

What in the world made God think I could handle this parenting thing?

I mean, seriously... how can I, a short 4' 11" lady with terrible consistency problems, possibly parent four kids without ruining their entire lives?

I feel incredibly intimidated and defeated by my barely two year old. How is this? I am 2' taller than he is... have much more experience under my belt than he does... and I'm pretty sure I can scream louder than he can, although I have not tried... which is probably a good thing.

My five year old is like a walking mirror, constantly flashing before me MY own pride. I'm always questioning why I am asking her to obey. Is it because I have the responsibility to train her and protect her, or is it because I am, after all, "mom" and, by golly, she better obey me or else?

I bring myself nearly to tears when I think of my sweet just turned four year old. His heart is so tender. How many times I have wounded that beautiful heart of his! Will I turn him into a hurt and angry teenager?

My baby... my darling, more than likely last, baby... why is it that she stumps me? Why is it that I question my every mothering act with her? Why can I not just trust what I have learned with the other three? Why is it that I could be so confident in my care for my babies all the other three times and now second guess every little thing with my last?

Why is it that the littlest of people have a way of ripping open my heart and revealing the ugliness inside?

Could it be that God did not intend so much for me to parent them as much as He intended to parent me through them?

Parenting Suddenly Seems Simplified

I often get discouraged and overwhelmed at the thought of parenting, which isn't a good thing when you have four kids to parent. Ha. But there's just so much to teach them, so much to train them in, so many character traits to encourage them in, so many wrong behaviors to attempt to get them to give up.... where do you start? What's important right now for each kid? How do I keep my focus on training instead of getting frustrated when they're not perfect?

Melissa pointed me to the AlchemyJunk blog when I was searching for a goal tracker. While it was not the tracker I was looking for, I did find this amazing "Independence List". While I adjusted my list for my kids a lot and did not really use her list, I did absolutely LOVE the concept. Writing out my goals for my kids this year is helping so much.

I now look at my day as a day to help my kids take one more step in the direction of adult independence. Their own list gives me several things to focus on right now at their current age that will help them take steps toward becoming a responsibile and loving adult.

Here's what I put on each of my kids' lists for 2011 (no particular order):


Cherith, age 5 & 6

• Learn to read smoothly
• Spell name without asking "what's comes next?"
• Brush teeth well 2x's a day
• Learn to vacuum
• Visualize groups of toys during pick up time
• Set table
• Clear the table after a meal
• Speak respectfully to parents & other adults
• Think of others first
• Brush hair everyday
• Know Mom & Dad's phone numbers
• Rinse dishes
• Put away own laundry
• Fold towels & washclothes
• Get dressed, brush teeth & hair without being told

Daryn, age 4

• Dress self all the time (knows how... he just likes help)
• Keep pants dry everyday (he doesn't always like to stop playing)
• Learn to brush teeth well
• Pick up set of toys when done playing
• Control anger
• Say the entire alphabet
• Count to 20
• Unload dishwasher
• Maintain kitchen & dining floors
• Fold towels & washclothes
• Sleep in underwear

Ethan, age 2

• Stop, Look, & Listen*
• Stay in bed at night
• Pick up toys when done playing
• Keep to a meal/snack schedule (vs. snack all day)
• Drink water cheerfully

*We have a family rule that when you hear your name, you:
1. stop what you are doing and fold your hands
2. look at the person speaking to you
3. and listen to what they're saying


These lists have helped me see which chores I need to delegate to them. That way their chores are not only what they're capable of, but also correlate with my goals for their "adult training". If you're participating in OYOL and have kids, you might find this helpful as well. Or maybe it's just that I love worksheets. Ha ha.

Marvelous Monday

I have this wonderful mother in law. She comes over every Monday to stay with the kids while I run my errands. Every once in a while, I like to cycle through the kids and take one with me, letting them have Mom dates. Today was Cherith's turn.

I have never had a better time with my little girl! She proclaimed today "Marvelous Monday" (and decided tomorrow should be Tacky Tuesday), and I think I would agree. We got our fill of McDonald's, hopped in to the bank to do a small bit of banking, and then on to the library where we checked out the next set of Bob Books (something she was incredibly excited about). We made a quick run into JoAnn's for some fleece and her $1 Mommy date treat. She chose a paint by number set. Then it was on to Walmart to dash about like wild women trying to grab all our groceries and get home before Aaron had to head off for school.

We drove past Cherith's great grandparent's Lutheran Church as we looked for the library. I'm pretty sure someone moved the library since the last time I was there. It just wasn't where it was supposed to be. I drove up one road and down another looking all over the place. We did finally find it. And you know what? They must've put it back while we were on a different street! Who woulda thunked?? Ok, so I was lost... but don't tell anyone.

So there was a reason I mentioned the church. As we left the library, Cherith started talking about the Christmas Eve service we attended there in 2009. "And you know what the best part was, Mom? They had snacks!!!" I was a bit confused. Snacks? "Yeah," she assured me. "You know... Me and Daryn had animal crackers. And you and Daddy went up to get the adult snacks." Then it clicked. We brought snacks for the kids to keep them occupied, and my husband  and I did go up and take part in their communion.

I tried to explain all this to my dear inquisitive child, and this very quickly turned into a discussion of theology and answers to all sorts of questions. We went from the humanness of Mary to the holiness of God. We went all the way back to the history of who satan is and how he fits into the big picture. We covered salvation and redemption. And we talked about God's sovereignty... that satan never "one up"s God. That God always has everything in control and that one day He will crush the head of the serpent forever, and we will live forever in a new world glorifying the King of Kings.

I loved that conversation. She is so understanding. I love her childlike faith and ferver. This evening, during supper, Cherith rehearsed the entire conversation to her brothers. They sat in rapture as she explained every detail in her childlike way. And I... I treasured up these things and pondered them in my heart.

Yup, it was a Marvelous Monday!

The Inevitable

There are some things in life that just always happen, no matter what. Things like:

1)  As soon as I sit down with Cherith to start school, the boys (previous happily occupied) suddenly appear. Daryn wants help with something or other. Ethan begins to talk or whine, repeating the same thing at least ten times with no breaths in between... at a very high volume level, of course. If I don't answer one of those ten times, he hollers, "YOU HEAR ME???? MOM! YOU HEAR ME???" Right about this time, Faith wakes up crying.

2)  I sneak away to the bathroom while all kids are oblivious to my existence. The door quietly closes and.... "MOM? Mom? MOM?? MO-OM?!?! Mom, where ARE you?" Over and over again, Cherith calls for me in a pathetic voice, like a lost child in the grocery store.

3)  Aaron and I take advantage of an empty kitchen and begin a conversation. Those first three spoken words are like magnets dragging in children with all sorts of "important problems".


Will I one day miss this? I don't know. But I sure know I wouldn't mind a few days without it.

Random Thunks 'Bout the Merge of One Year into Another

So, it's the end of a year again. The end of a chunk of time... 12 months to be exact. Or 52 weeks. Or 365 days. Or 8,760 hours. Or 525,600 minutes.

I have a habit of rewinding and reviewing, which can be a good thing (except at night when I'm trying to sleep). So, as can be expected, I've been doing a lot of reviewing in the past several days... looking back over the last year... evaluating my growth and my failures, my steps forward and stumbles backward.

And I'm actually a bit confused this time. I can't pat myself on the back and say, "Wow! Look how much you've grown! Look at how much you've accomplished!" But I can't exactly say it's been a stagnant year or a year of failure. Maybe it’s just that the preceding two years were marked by such incredible growth and heart workings that they make this past year’s progress seem tiny and insignificant.

In the area of Spiritual discipline, not much change has happened. I still need to be more purposeful in Bible reading and prayer. And then be consistent, once I am purposeful.

Wifery is good. I mean… I really need to work on selfish expectations that morph into thoughts of “but I wanted to…” or “why do I have to do this?” or “I should be the one sleeping, not him”. But on a whole, I love being married to my best friend. Our marriage is simply amazing, not because it’s always fun and easy and perfect, but because we’re in on this together. I still marvel that I, of all people, have been blessed with the Aaron Prentice.

Motherhood…. Hmmm… motherhood has been QUITE the challenge for me. I don’t know. I just…. hmmmm…. never thought I’d be where I am… so totally overwhelmed… so not loving it… so tired… so slushy headed… so stressed every.single.minute of the day. How did I get here? I wasn’t always this way. I loved every minute of motherhood when I had one and two babies. But I don’t remember waking up one morning and deciding I wanted to be an overtired, over stressed, impatient mother. And I don’t know what to do about it. But I do know I want to change.

Please, please don’t ask about home management. I can’t get a handle on housework and keeping up with laundry and dishes. I try. I really do. But I just feel like I’m chasing my tail (or a three year old, two year old, and 7 month old). Just let me know if you plan to stop by. I’ll lock the kids up for a day and clean for ya.

Weight loss… Pahahahaha! Wow. This is hard this time around. Every other time, I’ve lost much more by the time my kidlet was 7 months.

I’m loving homeschooling, but realizing that good planning is a must. I’ve got the entire year generally planned, but not down to the T. And I don’t do real good schooling on the fly. Something I must improve on.

Now I don’t put a lot of confidence into New Year Resolutions (because I’m awful at follow through), but the beginning of a new year certainly seems like a good time to take a good look at what needs to change. I’m not setting goals, per say. Just realizing where my weak spots are and trying to put together a plan to make them strength spots or at least a little less weak.

I’m hoping that getting a handle on a good daily/weekly/monthly schedule will help with many of these areas. We’ll see.

Speaking of the new year, I’m hoping to be able to blog more. Blogging is important to me, because it gives me a chance to empty my brain. And I guess I’m just conceited enough to think that everyone else out there wants to be there when I do.

I’m wanting to do a once a week post for OYOL (which I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about). But I also want to continue with the baby and toddler sleep issues. I also have another idea bopping around in my head that I’m super duper excited about.

We shall see what the new year brings. I have high hopes.

Fashion, Guilt, and Self Worth

Fact 1: I feel guilty spending money on myself. Really, I do. I have no problem dropping money (as frugally as possible) so that my husband and children can look well dressed. But I have a terrible time buying clothing for myself. In fact, such a terrible time, that I skimp and buy them at Walmart. Thing is… Walmart clothes just don’t live up to the life of a mom of four. I bought some t shirts there this summer and within a month, they were stretched out and worn. I had to label them as “to only be worn at home with the blinds closed” shirts. I’ve read great things about mothers finding great styles at thrift stores for basically pennies, but when you’re not the average size 8, well you just can’t walk into a thrift store and expect to find fantastic pants.

So, not willing to spend more money on junk, I pretty much spent none at all... leaving me in worn out, misfitting clothing. My sandals are worn to shreds and my brown clogs are cracked on the bottom, letting in all the wetness of a rainy or snowy day. But why? Why do I dress my family well, but neglect myself? Maybe because buying new clothes and shoes for myself is fun. I like having new things. So if it’s fun than it must be far too indulgent. I don’t know. Or maybe because good women’s clothing is far more expensive than children’s (purchased frugally off clearance racks, etc.). I really don’t know why I feel so guilty about it, but it feels like a sin to buy clothes I feel good in.

Fact 2: I’m fat. No really, I am. I’m not talking down to myself, just being honest. I’ve got at least a good 50 pounds to lose, and a lot of it is right there in the gut and backside. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find clothes that look good on you when your “waist- up” is 3 sizes smaller than your gut/hips/rear? I want to look good and feel good in my clothes. This means hours of trying on over 20 outfits before something finally works. It’s exhausting and defeating. Makes me feel like the Goodyear blimp.

Fact 3: Neglecting my appearance ALWAYS hurts myself and my family. It makes me feel like a tired, grumpy mom who doesn’t give a care in the world about anyone or anything. And this grumpy, frumpy feeling spurs me on to laziness and comfort food. This, of course, does not assist me in my weight loss goals.

Neglecting my appearance causes me to compare myself with other women around me and despise those that have better clothes and a “better body”. It does not represent my husband well. It does not help me be a happy mommy. And it does not motivate me to be diligent in the work God has given me.

Conclusion: I cannot neglect my appearance. It is detrimental to my health and the health of my family. I just wish it were free.

(All of this is an effort to quiet the guilty voices in my head for spending all my birthday money on myself today.)

How Do I Stay Awake W/O Increasing Calories?

When my babies are in the 4 - 7 month range, I tend to hit a wall. I'm completely tired to the bone and so so so very sleepy. I have been known to fall asleep while changing diapers. I do not lie.

My solution, so far, has been Dr. Pepper. The sudden deluge of caffeine and sugar is enough to shock me awake. However, it doesn't last more than 2 hours, and I find it's time to reach for another. This, of course, adds up quickly, and it's not uncommon for me to add an extra 300-600 calories a day to my typical food intake.

Now I am certainly an advocate of sleeping when you need it. There's seriously no reason to purposely keep yourself from it. But my opportunities for sleep totally depend on my kids' schedules. I can't exactly just abandon them while I go catch up on my sleep.

So I'm looking for ideas... anything really... to keep me from falling asleep while caring for my kids, BUT without sabotaging my weight loss efforts. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Realness in the Raw

I'm going to totally go out on a limb here and assume I'm not the only one of those. You know... the mom who smiles calmly to those around her, but on the inside she's stretched tighter than a drum head. The very next slight tap will bust her nerves and send sparks flying in all directions.

It's not that she's angry about any one thing. It's not that she's a typically nasty person. She's just so dog gone overwhelmed by life and its petty demands.

She looks around her at church to see happy moms, dressed in smart, stylish clothes, hugging their precious little preschoolers, praising them for their little accomplishments. Every blog she visits online seems to the pour forth words from a mother who manages to boast on her kids, do her housework, run a home business, and blog at least three times a week, complete with photos.

She remembers back to the days before kids, when she could shower every day, paint her nails every week, clean the house, spend time online, and get in plenty of hobby time. But when she lets reality focus in around her, she trembles.

The laundry is piled five miles high in her living room. Three loads of dishes grace her kitchen counters. Her refrigerator smells as if it has 3 month old dinners within its never ending abyss... because it does. She can't remember when she last mopped the floors and knows it's been even longer since she dusted.

Her oldest child is banging her pencil on the table, waiting for help with her kindergarten work, again.... this being the 5th time it's been interrupted in the last 15 minutes. Her can’t-stay-focused-in-the-bathroom child is smearing toothpaste all over the mirror. Her nearly 2 year old is climbing, once again, to the top of the stove to reach the prized empty juice bottle. And of course, the baby is crying in her exersaucer.

She has a couple small side jobs waiting for attention... photo Christmas gifts she's wanting to work on... school to plan... blog to update... online friends who joke (rather sarcasticly) that she acts "like she's a mom of 4 or something", as they lament their neglect... parents who need to be contacted by their daughter... siblings who need a sister.

And while she's trying desperately to keep up with diapers and dishes, she has dreams, talents, and interests. What about the writing passion? What about the graphic design interests? What about the business ideas? What about the occasional hobby bug that bites her?

And so when her children simply act as children... and when chaos begins to reign in the house... when the noise level rises too high... or the mess is too big... the drum head breaks. Things come out of her mouth, sometimes yelled, that she would rather not have echo through her house.

It pains her to think of the wounds she gives to her children through her impatience. She asks their forgiveness, but worries that they don't understand just how incredibly much it pains her to know that she loses her patience with her very own children, whom she loves more than she could even comprehend.

She lies in bed at night and cries because she is the mother she never wanted to be. Those glorious, slow motion, sunny dreams of a mommy cooing to her baby as she swings him over her head are shattered by her own weakness. And all she can do is fall to her knees before her Father and beg for mercy, forgiveness, and grace.

Here and Now

It seems every year in my life has its own theme. Last year's theme was "It Is Well With My Soul", a calm assurance that even as I faced some things I never thought I'd have to deal with, it truly is well with my soul. Even in the midst of storm, my soul remained anchored in the sovereignty of God.

This year's theme seems to be "Here and Now". There are some changes I have needed to make on just about all fronts of my life, but I have always said to myself, "It's a stage. I'll change when it's over."

I have been in dire need of a mom attitude makeover. I get so easily stressed and frustrated with the kids and the hundred and one other things life seems to think I need to attend to, and when that happens, my tone takes on a complete absence of love. My mom attitude is the farthest thing from what I want it to be and definitely far from pleasing to God. But I kept saying, "It's a stage. When the youngest is past the toddler stage, things will be much easier." But really who's to say it will? Who's to say the stress will lower? And while I'm waiting for the youngest to get past the whiny age, my oldest is half grown. She will have lived half her childhood with a mom sportin' a bad attitude. I DON'T WANT THAT!

I've also been needing to render proper respect and love to my husband (whom I love with all my being; don't get me wrong), but once again I would rationalize. "It's a tough stage right now. He's gone a lot with work and school. I'm working through some things that make it hard for me. Once these struggles becomes easier, then I can get better at this whole respect thing." But you know, who's to say the struggles will ever go away? And who's to say that, if it does, it will be any easier? While I'm waiting for the stage to pass, I'm being the drippy faucet, and my poor husband is wounded over and over. I DON'T WANT THAT!

There's also a relationship in my life that I sometimes would really rather pretend wasn't even there. It's a difficult one to maintain. I have let myself put this relationship to the very back burner and only face it when I absolutely had to. I kept saying, "They're not ready to change, and you can't help someone who doesn't want help. When they come to their senses, I'll pick it back up and I'll be right there for them." But who's to say they will ever "come to their senses"? Who's to say they will ever get to the point of seeing the kind of person they are letting themselves be? While I wait, this person could very well pass away. I could lose any opportunity of showing them genuine love and honor in the blink of an eye. I would live with the knowledge that I just didn't care enough to sacrifice my convenience and comfort. I DON'T WANT THAT!

It's been a tough several months as I've worked at these fronts. I am glad to say that I do see progress, but I am also aware that I have a long way to go. I'm just reminded everyday that this is the last time I will be able to live this day. I can never go back, but I can love in the present and sow seeds for the future.


Blink

by Revive

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink

When it's all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink

Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it's too late

It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink