Here and Now

It seems every year in my life has its own theme. Last year's theme was "It Is Well With My Soul", a calm assurance that even as I faced some things I never thought I'd have to deal with, it truly is well with my soul. Even in the midst of storm, my soul remained anchored in the sovereignty of God.

This year's theme seems to be "Here and Now". There are some changes I have needed to make on just about all fronts of my life, but I have always said to myself, "It's a stage. I'll change when it's over."

I have been in dire need of a mom attitude makeover. I get so easily stressed and frustrated with the kids and the hundred and one other things life seems to think I need to attend to, and when that happens, my tone takes on a complete absence of love. My mom attitude is the farthest thing from what I want it to be and definitely far from pleasing to God. But I kept saying, "It's a stage. When the youngest is past the toddler stage, things will be much easier." But really who's to say it will? Who's to say the stress will lower? And while I'm waiting for the youngest to get past the whiny age, my oldest is half grown. She will have lived half her childhood with a mom sportin' a bad attitude. I DON'T WANT THAT!

I've also been needing to render proper respect and love to my husband (whom I love with all my being; don't get me wrong), but once again I would rationalize. "It's a tough stage right now. He's gone a lot with work and school. I'm working through some things that make it hard for me. Once these struggles becomes easier, then I can get better at this whole respect thing." But you know, who's to say the struggles will ever go away? And who's to say that, if it does, it will be any easier? While I'm waiting for the stage to pass, I'm being the drippy faucet, and my poor husband is wounded over and over. I DON'T WANT THAT!

There's also a relationship in my life that I sometimes would really rather pretend wasn't even there. It's a difficult one to maintain. I have let myself put this relationship to the very back burner and only face it when I absolutely had to. I kept saying, "They're not ready to change, and you can't help someone who doesn't want help. When they come to their senses, I'll pick it back up and I'll be right there for them." But who's to say they will ever "come to their senses"? Who's to say they will ever get to the point of seeing the kind of person they are letting themselves be? While I wait, this person could very well pass away. I could lose any opportunity of showing them genuine love and honor in the blink of an eye. I would live with the knowledge that I just didn't care enough to sacrifice my convenience and comfort. I DON'T WANT THAT!

It's been a tough several months as I've worked at these fronts. I am glad to say that I do see progress, but I am also aware that I have a long way to go. I'm just reminded everyday that this is the last time I will be able to live this day. I can never go back, but I can love in the present and sow seeds for the future.


Blink

by Revive

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink

When it's all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink

Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it's too late

It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink