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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What Was He Thinkin?

Stress level: HIGH! very high

Confidence level: LOW! very low

What in the world made God think I could handle this parenting thing?

I mean, seriously... how can I, a short 4' 11" lady with terrible consistency problems, possibly parent four kids without ruining their entire lives?

I feel incredibly intimidated and defeated by my barely two year old. How is this? I am 2' taller than he is... have much more experience under my belt than he does... and I'm pretty sure I can scream louder than he can, although I have not tried... which is probably a good thing.

My five year old is like a walking mirror, constantly flashing before me MY own pride. I'm always questioning why I am asking her to obey. Is it because I have the responsibility to train her and protect her, or is it because I am, after all, "mom" and, by golly, she better obey me or else?

I bring myself nearly to tears when I think of my sweet just turned four year old. His heart is so tender. How many times I have wounded that beautiful heart of his! Will I turn him into a hurt and angry teenager?

My baby... my darling, more than likely last, baby... why is it that she stumps me? Why is it that I question my every mothering act with her? Why can I not just trust what I have learned with the other three? Why is it that I could be so confident in my care for my babies all the other three times and now second guess every little thing with my last?

Why is it that the littlest of people have a way of ripping open my heart and revealing the ugliness inside?

Could it be that God did not intend so much for me to parent them as much as He intended to parent me through them?


  1. Oh, girl. I am so with you on this one. Very similar struggles/lessons going on over here as well. Love you and praying for you. I just know that God has *got* to have some good plans in there for us. It was His idea to bless us with these wonderful dears...surely it was not just to allow us to ruin them. *hugs* And all this I say knowing that I'm listening to my words myself...

  2. I could've written this post.. well, minus two kids. ;) I've been feeling so OVERWHELMED by this whole parenting thing lately! Defeated, guilty, unequipped, etcetera, etcetera! *waving hand in air* (I hope you get that. ;)

    I have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 6 month old and my 2yr old is KICKING MY BUTT. Seriously.

    It seems like I pray CONSTANTLY for help and it FEELS like it makes it worse! I get MORE impatient, MORE angry, MORE..everything! Why is that? I'm thinking it's because the Lord is TRYING to change me. *sigh* This is hard.

    I'd like to find a good parenting book for toddlers. There doesn't seem to be too many of those. With a Christian worldview, anyway. You know of any? I know my BEST resource is the Bible, of course. I really need to do a personal Bible study on parenting stuff. Hmm.. maybe I'll blog about it... ;)

    I'll pray for you, girl. :)

  3. I just started reading your blog. I too am a mom of 4, and this post definitely hit home for me as well. We recently moved to a new state and things constantly seem to be in chaos for us. Sickness continues to cycle through our family and I too am very stressed with very low confidence right now. I don't know if this will make you feel better, but for me it definitely helps to know I am not the only one that experiences days like these. Thank you!

  4. I feel very little confidence in the parenting field lately. I have been too lax in discipline, I have yelled too much, I have misaligned my priorities. I have been feeling like a failure lately. I worry sometimes that if I don't get my act together soon, it might be too late to raise my oldest children to be the people I wish for them to be. I am in disbelief that more than ten years into parenting I still haven't figured out how to get it right. With six children (and hoping for more) I feel a heavy burden to get my life on track.