Big Stretch.
Yawn.
"I'm awake. I'm awake."
Blog hibernation is an interesting phenomenon. The break is refreshing. One less thing on the plate. But it causes such a huge dam of pent up thoughts longing to be written. There is no way under the sun that I can go back and write all that I've wanted to over the past month. I just can't... well, unless I were a stay-at-home-not-mom and had nothing to do but clean the house and blog... cause you know the house would stay clean for the most part in such a situation.
I'm sad that I cannot go back and write the thoughts that have passed.
I love to write.
It helps me process my thoughts. It helps me find my flaws when I lay it all out. I can scan the words and pin point the problem.
Writing forces me to see the blessings in my life when all I want to do is yell, "I hate my life right now!"
When I'm bubbling over with joy, writing gathers up the dancing, glimmering sparkles of happiness, inflates them, and sends my soul floating up to cloud nine.
But in the last month, I've had more time to play with my kids and try my darnedest to get a handle on this messy thing we call home... which brings me to another subject.......
Do you ever feel like it's just useless and hopeless? Do you ever feel like it just doesn't matter how hard you work at it, nothing ever changes? No matter how much time you invest in cleaning up the house, it still maintains the same continuous messy state. No matter how hard you try to be more patient and less stressed, your shoulders get tighter and your hair thinner?
Will life ever be carefree and happy, as a general rule? I'm not talking about the opposite of depression. I'm talking about the absence of the continual stress of dishes, laundry, whining, crying, diapers, toys everywhere, cloudy days, lost shoes, moldy milk cups under the bed, babies crying in the night.... you get the idea.
It's not that I want no kids or no dirty laundry. I just want laundry that's all washed and put away. Dishes that are in the cupboards where they belong. Floors that are vacuumed and clear of toys. So that I can gather up my sweet kidlets and dance in the sunshine all day.
I want a picnic full of little laughter, not whining about whose sandwich is bigger or wanting juice instead of water. I want to see sparkles in my children's eyes. I want to see the sun streaming through their hair as they chase each other in a grassy field. I want to kiss their cheek and hug them tight when they offer me their prized dandelions.
I know I can set aside the house chores for this. I know I can snatch the kidlets, lock the mess in the house, and have a fun day together. And I have and do. But I just want it all.... fun with the kids and a clean house.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just severely sick with spring fever.
Oh I can identify! I'm 6 weeks from my due date, so I'm starting to do less and rest more as my size increases! I am in the midst of a book that has been so encouraging and helpful. It is called "Large Family Logistics". It has some helpful hints for large families, but it also is very helpful for those of us with mid-size families or even small families. Her perspective on keeping up with laundry, housecleaning, time with your kids, etc. has blessed me. If you have a chance to read this book, I would encourage you to do so! I'm reading it straight through and then intend to go back, taking one (short) chapter at a time and working on that specific area in our household.
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